Why am I so attached to someone I never dated.? Learn more about the emotional complexities behind this common experience and how to navigate your feelings.
The basis of the human psyche is the desire for love. A child is initially filled with love for his mother, which he then strives to realize through contact with her. The results of this first contact of expression of love can be very different and will be reflected in the perception of love in later life.
Why am I so attached to someone I never dated.Why We Choose Emotionally Unavailable Partners.
One reason why you may feel attached to someone you never dated is because of unfulfilled expectations. Perhaps you had romantic feelings for this person, or you envisioned a future together, but for whatever reason, those expectations were never met. This gap between what you hoped for and what actually happened can create a sense of longing and attachment, as you hold on to the idea of what could have been.
When you’re dating someone, it feels natural to want to spend as much time with them as possible. But you two may have different hobbies. If you want to keep this hobby going, and it should be something you try to do, it’s best to keep it separate. Give each other the time and space they need to pursue the things you find fun. Sure, if it’s a hobby you both share, you can do it together. But you don’t always have to do it together. They may have friends, and you may have friends too.
Those who crave intimacy are drawn to those who are afraid of it. Those who fiercely protect their independence are attracted to those who constantly invade their personal space. It doesn’t sound logical, but it’s built into us. What makes us fall in love with emotionally unavailable partners and is there a chance to change this?
Anxious attachment
These people seek maximum closeness in relationships. Their ideal is complete fusion. They often worry that their partner does not love them enough, and they are afraid of being alone.
People of this type underestimate themselves and put others on a pedestal, doing everything to justify the expectations of people who are important to them. They are unusually clingy, constantly looking for external confirmation of their own value, because they themselves do not feel it.
Emotionally Unavailable People Dominate the Dating Market.
Such people are extremely independent, successfully suppress their emotions, and therefore are easily able to cool down towards their partner and end the relationship – and here they are again among those who are looking for their partner.
People with a secure attachment style do not embark on a series of long meetings and searches. Having felt that “chemistry”, they decide that the partner is right for them and are ready for a long-term relationship. That is why they are the hardest to find – they rarely enter the dating market, and when they do, they do not stay on it for long and immediately “settle” in a new relationship.
When you put all the pieces of the puzzle together, you’re very likely to meet an emotionally unavailable partner. They don’t commit to each other because they need space and independence, they don’t date people with healthy secure attachments because they don’t last long on the market – so who do they attract? Alas, anxious attachment partners who crave extreme closeness.
Emotionally available partners do not play hard to get or, on the contrary, do not throw everything at our feet to win us over. In their world, there are simply no mysterious omissions, suspense, or agonizing anticipation.
We feel calm around such a person, and we don’t believe that he is the one, because “nothing is happening” – after all, our emotions are not aroused, which means we are bored. And because of this, we pass by truly wonderful people.
The ups and downs, the doubts and delights, and the constant waiting in relationships with emotionally unavailable people should not be mistaken for passion or love. It looks like it, but trust me, it is not. Don’t let them carry you away. And no matter how difficult it is, work to understand the mechanisms of attraction that are embedded in us by our childhood. Trust me, it is possible. And emotionally healthy relationships can bring much more happiness.