How to deal with a narcissist husband during divorce. Establish boundaries, seek legal counsel, document everything, and prioritize self-care for a successful outcome.
Living with a narcissist is a difficult experience. However, divorcing them can be an even more unpredictable event. The difficult breakup that your partner most likely has in store for you is not a reason to stay in a destructive relationship. It is important not to fall for the tricks of an experienced manipulator.
Abusive husbands suppress their wives psychologically, completely depriving them of faith in themselves and instilling in them their “omnipotence”. Therefore, when a woman divorces a narcissist, she needs not only legal assistance, but also emotional support.
If a narcissist does not get the attention they want, they will try to punish you. Not all of them openly flout the criminal code and use physical violence. Most of them are emotional abusers, which is no less painful for their victims.A person with narcissistic disorder lacks compassion even for those closest to you. You will most likely not be able to part as friends. When divorcing, it is necessary to think through a clear defense strategy.
How to Deal with a Narcissist Husband During Divorce.
. Focus on what you can control
These are only your own emotions and actions. Don’t waste energy trying to predict his actions. Don’t agree to what your ex-husband imposes on you, avoiding possible conflicts and maintaining the illusion of a truce. Imagine that during the divorce he turns into a difficult business partner with whom you are forced to cooperate and achieve a result that is beneficial for you. From now on, your motto is: “Only facts and nothing personal.”
2. Set clear boundaries
A narcissist, as a person with a high degree of conflict, will try to provoke any, even negative, attention from you. Before the meeting, think over a plan of conversation in advance and try not to deviate from it. If he starts changing the subject, convincing you to come back, say: “The relationship is over for me, we have different paths. It is important for you to accept this.” If he insists, leave.
3. Don’t show genuine emotions
First of all, never apologize. Your partner will immediately interpret this as a sign of weakness and will try to use it to their advantage by imposing decisions that are contrary to your interests.
Clearly track the moment when you start to show feelings and emotions (this could be a state of guilt, despair or panic), and tell yourself “Stop”. Remember that your goal is a divorce on the most favorable terms for you and the children.
4. Provide support
You should be surrounded by people who fully share your position and who will not try to reconcile the parties in the name of preserving the family. You should not reject the professional help of a psychotherapist and a lawyer. You will need your loved ones not only in a psychologically difficult moment, when it is important to be heard. If your partner begins to threaten, negotiate with him only in the presence of a third party.
Stand up for your feelings and set boundaries
It is important and even necessary that your response to a narcissist is dictated by confidence, self-respect, and self-love. You need to defend your feelings in a conversation with a narcissist and resist gaslighting . The problem begins when we see narcissists as real people – people like us, and not virtuoso actors. We consider ourselves victims of narcissistic methods, but we have much more power than we think, especially if we arm ourselves with reliable knowledge about narcissistic disorder.
Reframe your thoughts
Once you understand that your perception of a narcissist is very different from their true nature, it will be much easier to coexist with all the predators you will inevitably encounter along the way. Narcissists are pathetic clowns precisely because they depend on us for fuel. They are like emotional leeches, and without us they cannot survive.