Super will tell you how attitudes towards sex have changed in different generations, the reasons for lack of desire, problems with libido and advice on what to do in this situation.
Sex is a delicate topic, and the reasons why we suddenly lose interest in it can be very different. It is important to understand: the desire for intimacy is not a constant, but rather a wave with ups and downs. And if these downs become a problem, talking to a doctor or psychologist can be the first step to returning joy to your intimate life. Super invites you to look behind the scenes of indifference to intimacy with psychologist Roman Tsvetkov .
Sex is not needed: reasons
Why do people in the modern world say “not today” to sex?
Psychological factors
When thoughts jump from bills to deadlines, there is simply no room for sex. Depression and anxiety, which we often encounter lately, are real vampires that suck out desire. Misunderstandings in a couple also cannot help but affect intimate life: it is difficult to want intimacy with someone with whom you have just had a verbal duel about unwashed dishes. Sex loves harmony! Although, of course, it can be exactly the opposite (which is also not the healthiest tendency). Past grievances and traumas can come back to haunt you for a long time – like a splinter in the heart that prevents you from opening up even to your loved one. But we should not forget that some people are naturally asexual or have temporarily lost interest – just as we sometimes lose our appetite for our favorite dish.
Physical health
The pace of life is such that after a 12-hour workday, cooking, cleaning and putting the kids to bed, many would rather choose a pillow than a passionate embrace. A headache is not always an excuse. Chronic pain, illness and other physical troubles can really send the libido into a deep sleep. If you have to take medication, it is worth considering that some drugs (especially antidepressants) can reduce sexual desire. As for women, during pregnancy, after childbirth or menopause, the body sometimes plays cruel jokes on them, sending the libido on an unplanned vacation.
Social networks and the Internet
Excessive passion for the Internet reduces sexual desire, because interest in real physical contact is lost, as there is virtual communication, including virtual sex. In addition, it is no secret that social networks and the Internet create an illusion in people, showing an ideal picture and imposing standards of beauty and sexuality. All this cannot but affect self-esteem. Constantly comparing yourself with others causes stress, which also affects libido.
Dependencies
Unfortunately, addictions are a very common cause of all sorts of mental and physical health problems in young people and teenagers today, and are becoming epidemic. Of all the possible consequences of use, decreased libido is the most harmless. This is not just a story about “bad substances.” It is a complex tangle of psychological traps, physiological destruction, and social degradation, amplified by digital technologies. And it can only be untangled in a comprehensive manner — with the help of doctors, psychologists, and those who truly care.
Dropped Libido: What Does It Mean?
How does this affect the couple?
- Misunderstanding and disappointment – when one wants and the other does not, a painful imbalance arises that can result in resentment and accusations.
- Pressure and guilt – Phrases like “all normal couples have sex three times a week” only increase tension and push back the solution to the problem.
- Emotional distance – without physical intimacy, partners may begin to perceive each other more as neighbors than as lovers.
Open, non-blaming conversations will be the lifeline. The ability to listen to your partner and work together to find solutions is what separates couples who overcome a crisis from those who get stuck.
Why Zoomers Have Lost Interest in Sex
If millennials were breaking stereotypes about sex, then zoomers seem to have decided to take a break altogether. What is happening with generation Z and why are they increasingly saying “no” where their parents said “yes”?
- Diving into the ocean of information.
Zoomers grew up with Google at their fingertips. They know more about the risks of STDs and unwanted pregnancy than any generation before them. And this information doesn’t just pass them by; it shapes their attitudes toward intimacy.
- “Career first, everything else later.”
Modern youth live in a world of fierce competition. Studies, startups, part-time jobs, self-education – in this busy schedule, sex is often pushed into the background as something that can wait.
- “It’s okay to be yourself.”
Society has finally acknowledged that asexuality is not a pathology, but a variant of the norm. Zoomers were the first to be able to openly declare: “I don’t feel sexual attraction, and that’s okay.”
- Smartphone instead of hugs.
When you can get a hit of dopamine from Instagram likes or an adrenaline rush from a computer game, the need for physical contact decreases. Virtual communication partially replaces real communication.
- Mental health comes first.
Today’s youth openly talk about anxiety, depression and burnout. When the psychological state is unstable, there is no time for intimacy – all energy is spent on self-healing.
- Porn is just a click away.
Why risk rejection, waste time on dates, and overcome social anxiety when you can get instant, hassle-free satisfaction? Porn creates the illusion of a sex life without requiring a real relationship.
Climate crisis, economic instability, political conflicts – zoomers are growing up in a world that seems to be on the brink of an abyss. In such conditions, thoughts of intimacy are relegated to the background.
How to Cope with Lack of Sexual Desire
How to rekindle a dying passion? We share practical advice on how to awaken and improve sexual desire.
Therapeutic approach
- Sex therapy at its core : A therapist will help you get to the root of the problem, not just treat the symptoms. It’s not just about talking about sex, it’s a structured approach to reconnecting with intimate relationships, with exercises and techniques tailored to your unique circumstances.
- Psychotherapy as a foundation : If your libido is suppressed by anxiety or depression, working with a therapist may be the key to a solution. Improving your mental health often brings back natural desire without any extra effort.
- Reprogramming sexual thinking : Cognitive behavioral therapy helps identify and transform negative beliefs about sex. That inner voice that whispers “I’m not attractive enough” or “sex is always stressful” can be rewired.
Lifestyle and the Biochemistry of Desire
- Movement awakens desire : Regular physical activity not only improves your well-being and appearance, but also stimulates the production of testosterone and endorphins – hormones directly related to libido. Even a daily half-hour walk can work wonders.
- Food for passion : Your diet affects your hormones. Zinc (oysters, pumpkin seeds), omega-3 (fatty fish), vitamin E (nuts) and antioxidants (berries, dark chocolate) are natural allies of your libido.
- Sleep as an aphrodisiac : lack of sleep is the enemy of passion. During quality sleep, hormonal balance is restored and energy accumulates. Prioritize 7-8 hours of good rest.
- Stress under control : Chronic stress drains the body of resources needed for sexual desire. Meditation, deep breathing, or even a simple bath with aromatic oils can be the first step to restoring libido.
The art of communication and intimacy
- Talk without taboos : the most powerful aphrodisiac is a sincere conversation. Discuss with your partner what excites you, what makes you uncomfortable, what fantasies you would like to realize. Vulnerability brings people closer than physical intimacy.
- Pleasure Map : Explore your partner’s body (and your own) as uncharted territory. What has changed over time? What touches resonate now? Exploration can be an exciting game.
- Emotional connection as foreplay : quality time together outside the bedroom is an investment in your intimate life. Shared adventures, deep conversations, support in difficult times – all this forms the foundation of desire.
- Scheduled Spontaneity : It sounds like an oxymoron, but in a busy life, sometimes you need to schedule time for intimacy. It doesn’t kill romance, but creates space for it in the busy schedule of modern life.
I Don’t Want Sex: When to Seek Help
When the lack of intimacy turns into a constant source of tension, resentment and quarrels, it is a reason for consultation. Especially if you notice that you are starting to avoid even ordinary touches or conversations about the future.
- “I feel emotionally broken.”
If decreased libido is accompanied by symptoms of depression (apathy, loss of interest in life, constant fatigue) or anxiety (restlessness, irritability, panic attacks), you need the help of a psychologist or psychiatrist.
- “Sex causes pain, not pleasure.”
Whenever intimacy is associated with physical discomfort or pain, it is a direct signal to visit a doctor. Vaginismus, dyspareunia and other conditions are easily treated, but require a professional approach.
If you are so unhappy with your appearance that it prevents you from relaxing in intimate situations, a psychologist can help you restore a healthy attitude towards yourself.
- “We’ve tried everything, but nothing works.”
If you and your partner have honestly tried to solve the problem using all available methods – from talking to changing your lifestyle – but the situation does not change, then you need a fresh look from a professional.
- “I can’t forget my past traumatic experience.”
If you have experienced sexual abuse, coercion, or other negative experiences in the past that still affect your intimate life, a specialist can help you work through this trauma.
- “My health can influence desire.”
Diabetes, thyroid disease, hormonal imbalances, heart problems – all these conditions can reduce libido. An endocrinologist, urologist or gynecologist can help determine whether the cause is physiological.
Who to contact if your libido is low: a specialist navigator
When sexual desire disappears, it is important to find the right specialist who will help you understand the reasons and offer an effective solution. Here is a map of specialists who can help bring joy back to your intimate life:
Mental Health Experts:
A psychotherapist is your first port of call if you suspect that the roots of your problem lie in psychological factors: stress, burnout, anxiety, or depression. These specialists can help you decipher the emotional blocks that may be standing in the way of your sexual desire.
A sexologist is a professional who specializes in sexual health. He will help identify the causes of decreased libido and offer specific techniques, exercises, and recommendations for its restoration.
A family therapist is indispensable when the problem affects both partners. He or she will help establish communication, resolve hidden conflicts and restore emotional closeness, which is often the basis of physical attraction.
Doctors for physical health:
The physician is the starting point of the medical journey. They will perform an initial diagnosis, rule out general health problems, and refer you to the right specialist if more in-depth examination is required.
Endocrinologist – This specialist will become your ally if the problem is related to hormonal imbalance. Low testosterone, thyroid problems or other hormonal imbalances can significantly affect libido.
Urologist (for men) – will help identify and resolve problems related to male reproductive health that may affect sexual desire.
A gynecologist (for women) is an indispensable specialist for diagnosing and treating problems with women’s reproductive health, which are often associated with fluctuations in libido.