Arguments are where truth is born, but also where nerves are wasted and relationships are ruined. Quarrels accompany us everywhere, so it is very important to be able to conduct disputes in an environmentally friendly manner. Together with the BOMBORA publishing house, we have collected advice from six books that will save nerves and help turn even the most tense conversation into a constructive direction.
#1 Treat everyone with impartiality and compassion
From the book “The Power of Foresight: What I Learned from 15 Years as CEO of Walt Disney”
Entrepreneur and former head of Walt Disney Robert Iger is confident that even in conflict situations, it is important to listen to the other person and remain calm.
This doesn’t mean you lower your own expectations or make it clear that mistakes don’t matter. It just means you create an environment where people know you’ll listen to them, that you’ll be emotionally consistent, and that you’ll be fair. (If they don’t admit to their mistakes, or if they blame someone else, or if the mistake is the result of unethical behavior, that’s a different matter and can’t be tolerated.)
#2 Take a break
From the book “The Non-Media Tycoon: The Story of a Tunisian Student Who Became a Russian Oligarch”
Famous Moscow restaurateur Medi Duss gives a simple but effective piece of advice: count to ten before speaking. Some may find it a bit childish, but in business it gives an important advantage – as the famous Russian oligarch personally saw for himself.
It is important to weigh decisions and answers before you say them. Because there is no way back, and you can find yourself in a very unpleasant situation when it is too late to think and you need to find a way out of a tense situation. So restraint is a golden quality, and it perfectly complements persistence, without which you cannot build any business.
#3: Be prepared to compromise
From the book “Business Atlanteans. Strategies and tools for achieving results from leaders and top managers”
Advice from members of the closed business club “Atlanty”: do not try to prove your case by any means. Try to reach a compromise that will allow you to preserve the relationship.
In our business culture, each side is trying to prove that they are right. At the same time, it is important to prove that the other side is wrong, even at the expense of the company’s interests. This is a very important story. I want you to understand this, because it is present in us and is part of our national DNA.
Leonid Krol, a trainer in effective negotiations and a professor at the Higher School of Economics, advises stopping for a while during a heated argument and looking at the situation from the outside. This way, you can avoid unnecessary emotions and see opportunities that you had not previously paid attention to.
In negotiations, it is important to have for yourself, in addition to your usual “role-chairs”, also an “observer’s chair”, that is, the ability to get out of a state in which you have been drawn too much, and thereby return the situation to control.
#5 Put yourself in someone else’s shoes
From the book “Words That Change Consciousness. 14 Ways to Influence Without Tricks and Manipulations”
The best communication book of 2020 according to AMAZON, you can find this advice: put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to understand what exactly drives them. Knowing what motivates people, how they think and make decisions, you can succeed in any argument.
When we are told something, we filter the message through our own personal filtering system. Of course, members of the same ethnic, cultural, or gender group have similar histories and beliefs. Because of this, communication within such groups is easier than between people who come from different backgrounds.
#6 Don’t be afraid of conflicts
From the book “The Sandwich Generation”
Social psychologist Svetlana Komissarchuk draws attention to the fact that in our society, as a rule, conflicts are often swept under the carpet. Slow-moving, unresolvable contradictions spoil the atmosphere in the home and make life worse. Therefore, it is important not to hush up problems, but to solve them by making concessions and reaching agreements.
To do this, first, you need to decide for yourself how important it is to create and then resolve a conflict. Long before the start of communication, it is important to weigh your chances of explaining your position and getting what you want. Think about the possible consequences of the conversation, as well as certain actions if the exchange of opinions develops into a quarrel. In this case, it is important to take into account not only our good intentions, but also the ability of the other person to understand and accept.