Being happy isn’t for everyone. In fact, it’s for almost no one. But giving up before even trying would be like not asking a beautiful girl out just because you know she’ll say no. What are the alternatives? Dying of wanking or getting engaged to a cast iron manhole cover. So let’s try, at least once.These are 10 rules that I believe can lead, if not to absolute happiness, at least to a lower degree of incidence of disappointments in our lives.
Here is the list of 10 things to do to be happy:
#1. Drink
Drinking is different from getting drunk. The difference is that those who drink spend more time happy than in pain from alcohol, while those who get drunk trade an evening of pandemonium for a day of gastric shakes. Well, drinking is essential to being happy: it lightens worries, promotes sleep and in general makes life seem almost fun. Contraindications: in a couple of months you will have more belly than Costanzo just out of an all you can eat.
#2. Scop*re
Every now and then it is needed, more than anything to set in motion parts of the body that routine masturbation cannot reactivate. Unfortunately we are used to thinking of sexual relations in Catholically dichotomous terms: either it is love or she is a slut. Wrong, there is a middle ground that provides for affection equally distributed between the vagina and its owner. And honestly it also seems to me the best way to prevent a beautiful thing from turning into a distressing string of unforgettable month-long anniversaries.
#3. Eat
Cooking is an art, but eating also requires talent.
#4. Live in a nice place
Unfortunately, there are fewer beautiful places in the world than ugly ones, and I suspect that rising sea levels will reduce them even further. For this reason, it is necessary to think in perspective and settle in a beautiful place that in a few decades will not force us to have pike and squid as neighbors.
#5. Don’t give a shit about others too much
Because you’re hot, you’re smart, and I generally like you, but if you have a problem you want to talk about, I know a lot of psychology majors who can help you. My life sucks enough to be plagued by your problems too.
#6. Don’t seek too much attention
Or rather the mirror motivation of point 5. After the age of 6 it is a bit embarrassing to be reduced to doing the worst bullshit just to attract the attention of others, even if the fight for pussy can lead to an exception to this rule. In general terms, however, being autonomous and not depending on how much attention others give you is a fairly effective way to maintain dignity.
#7. Don’t work
An essential condition for being happy is not having to give away a large part of your life to people who get on your nerves more than 8 hours a day, but who you can’t do without if you don’t want to become a regular at the soup kitchen. I don’t know exactly how you can live without working, but I’m working on it.
#8. Don’t give a damn about criticism
Being liked by everyone is impossible. Being liked by someone is probable. Being annoying to everyone is something you shouldn’t worry about. People can criticize you for the most disparate reasons. The wise move would be to select the most relevant reasons and use them as an opportunity for personal growth, development and shit. But I don’t see the point of trying to figure out who to listen to, then analyze yourself, then work on improving, when I can just not give a damn.
#9. Have some friends
Not too many, otherwise it’s a mess with birthdays. Just someone to share vacations, various anecdotes and liver cirrhosis with. More or less like with girlfriends, with the difference that friends don’t get upset if you don’t give a damn about them for a week.
#10. Sleep
Because living is beautiful, especially when you don’t realize it.