Have you ever felt like there are things in your environment that hurt you, but everyone else seems to see as normal? Cultural violence is like that: it doesn’t leave bruises, but it leaves a deep mark . It’s a type of abuse that seeps into our habits, into what we accept without question, into the roles we repeat almost without realizing it.

Unlike physical or verbal violence, it disguises itself as tradition, humor, or collective values , which is why it’s so difficult to detect… and combat. In counseling, I’ve helped many people who suffered without knowing why, until we managed to put a name to this normalized pain.

Would you like to understand how this type of violence works and how it may be affecting you without you knowing?

Index

• What is cultural violence and why is it so hard to see?
• Ways in which cultural violence is expressed
• Why is it so difficult for us to identify this form of violence?
• Emotional consequences of living under cultural violence
• How is this type of violence addressed in therapy?
• Conclusion
• Bibliographic references:

What is cultural violence and why is it so hard to see?

Cultural violence isn’t a blow or a shout. It’s a more silent type of violence , but just as hurtful. It manifests itself in what a society considers “normal,” even if it perpetuates inequalities, suffering, or forced silence. It’s the way the system validates certain abuses because they are embedded in the collective culture.

It can be present in a sexist joke that goes unchallenged, in a song that romanticizes jealousy, in an upbringing that rewards blind obedience, or in seemingly harmless advice like “men don’t cry.” And because it’s so prevalent in everyday life, it’s hard to identify it as violence .

This type of violence doesn’t require individual perpetrators , because it’s sustained by institutions, traditions, proverbs, and educational models. That’s why it’s so persistent and so difficult to combat: it’s not about changing a person, but about rethinking the way we live together, what we reward, and what we ignore.

Ways in which cultural violence is expressed

Cultural violence seeps into multiple aspects of everyday life , sometimes subtly, sometimes forcefully. Here are some of the most common:

• Rigid gender roles : Phrases like “she’s too bossy” or “he can’t be that sensitive” continue to convey the idea that there are right and wrong ways to be a woman or a man.
• Social stigmas : When someone with mental health problems is labeled “crazy,” or when a person without formal education is treated as ignorant, marginalizing prejudices are reinforced.
• Normalization of suffering : Ideas like “motherhood is like that, you have to endure it” or “whoever wants can” blame those who suffer, making structural factors invisible.
• Media representations : Many films, series or advertisements perpetuate types of stereotypes , such as gender, race, class or age, without questioning them, thus reinforcing toxic relationship or success models.

I once treated a woman who suffered from constant anxiety and a sense of failure. As we explored her story, we discovered that since childhood she had been told that her only fulfillment would be “being an exemplary mother and wife.” Despite having a brilliant career and a life rich in relationships, she felt she wasn’t fulfilling “her role.” The discomfort wasn’t in her life, but in the cultural mandate that weighed on her.

Why is it so difficult for us to identify this form of violence?

Because it’s normalized. And what’s been repeated forever is hard to question . Furthermore, many people who suffer from it don’t have a name for what they feel. They experience sadness, guilt, shame, or disconnection, but they don’t understand where it comes from. They struggle to recognize themselves as victims of something because there hasn’t been a direct act of abuse.

And what’s even more difficult: sometimes that violence comes from loved ones , from our families, from authority figures, even from a community that has welcomed us. It’s hard to question that.

I often hear things like,
“My grandmother loves me a lot, but she always tells me I’m too fat to find a partner…”
“My friends joke about my accent, but they say it’s just affection…”

And then we work through it. We stop. We begin to name what hurts, even if it’s been wrapped in affection . Because affection doesn’t justify humiliation, nor does humor erase the hurt.

Emotional consequences of living under cultural violence

There may not be any yelling or hitting, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Cultural violence slowly erodes self-esteem, distorts identity, and profoundly affects emotional well-being.

Many people living under this type of pressure experience:

• Generalized anxiety , without a specific cause.
• Feelings of guilt or shame for not fitting in with expectations.
• Difficulty making independent decisions or feeling personal satisfaction.
• Internal confusion , especially when there are contradictions between their values ​​and what is expected of them.

When we talk about cultural violence, we’re not talking about something abstract. We’re talking about conditioned lives, learned silences, and internal struggles that wear us down.

How is this type of violence addressed in therapy?

The key is to make the invisible visible , to be able to name and redefine it. In therapy, the first step is often to identify those mandates that have been assumed to be truths , but are actually social constructs.

From there, we work:

• In rebuilding identity , beyond imposed roles.
• In strengthening self-esteem , validating suffering and recognizing one’s own achievements.
• In developing a critical but not destructive perspective, which allows us to consciously choose which values ​​we want to uphold .
• And, above all, in creating a space where you don’t have to justify yourself all the time.

It’s not about rebelling against everything or cutting all ties. Change often involves setting loving boundaries , learning to say “this isn’t good for me,” even to those we love. It’s deep work, but very transformative.

Conclusion

Sometimes, what hurts the most is what doesn’t seem violent. What’s said with humor, with love, with tradition. But if it makes you doubt yourself, if it silences you, if it diminishes you… then it deserves to be questioned.

Cultural violence is n’t visible to the naked eye, but it leaves real traces. Being able to name it is the first step toward liberating oneself from it. And no one should walk that path alone.

If you feel that something in your environment or personal history resonates with what you’ve read here, it may be time to find a space where you can discuss it calmly and respectfully. At Avance Psicólogos, we collaborate with psychologists in Madrid who specialize in trauma  and can help you understand and heal from a compassionate and nonjudgmental perspective.
We offer both in-person and online therapy, with over 25 years of experience supporting deep emotional processes.
Schedule your first free interview and start building a way of being in the world that doesn’t hurt.