There are many people who cannot figure out what they want, and then they go to college for a “fashionable” specialty, find a job they don’t like. And it’s not just about work: it can be difficult to figure yourself out and choose a harmonious partner, loyal friends, an interesting hobby. Psychologist Elena Lavrova suggests how to find meaning in life and become happier.
Step 1: Understand what you are currently doing
Usually people who are unhappy with the current state of affairs decide to change everything abruptly and suddenly: “Starting Monday, I’ll start losing weight (change jobs, break up with my partner, make new friends, move to another city, learn to swim).
More often than not, such seemingly good undertakings end quickly, and here’s why. “Every person’s life is arranged the way they wanted it to be. And even if they are doing something that doesn’t quite suit them, this choice still makes sense,” explains Elena Lavrova.
For example, there are needs that cannot be avoided: you need to earn money, raise children, get an education, and so on.
“By deciding on sudden and irreversible changes, we risk losing what we have and what keeps us afloat,” says the psychologist. “That is why it is so difficult to give up what we have in favor of something new, incomprehensible, and not at all guaranteeing joy and well-being.”
Step 2: Understand why you live this way, even though you are unhappy
Don’t immediately devalue your education, work, family: when all this was created, it made sense. So the second step is to remember why you chose this particular path.
Maybe when you entered a pedagogical university, the teaching profession was more respected. You could have been inspired to choose the manager’s profession by some authoritative friend, and you could have wanted to become an IT specialist following the example of Steve Jobs himself.
“The motivation, external or internal, that gave energy in the past, disappeared over time. And with it, the meaning and joy,” explains Elena Lavrova. Having realized that you can’t earn a living by teaching people, all the coolest things have already been invented at Apple, and there are plenty of managers around, you can really get despondent.
But at the same time, understanding that your choice was not accidental and had value for you should support you in making changes.
In addition, it is important to understand where the idea that your activities and work are worthless and of no use to anyone comes from? “Society is structured in such a way that a meaningful activity is one that is status-based, useful or profitable. And there are stereotypes about which professions and activities meet these requirements: for example, being a teacher is useful, being a director is status-based, being an entrepreneur is profitable. But there are many alternative options,” the psychologist is sure.
Step 3: Start doing what you enjoy now
Therefore, it is worth boldly dreaming about what you like to do. In the book by Barbara Sher “What to Dream About” there is an interesting idea: the meaning begins with what you love, and not with what you can do.
“Yes, I’m talking about love, not skill. I don’t care what skills you have. You know what I could do when I was a single mom with two small children? Clean the house at high speed, catch the bus while holding laundry bags, grocery bags, and children. And squeeze everything I could out of a hundred dollars until a portrait of George Washington begged for mercy. Thank you, but I’m not interested in a career that would require those skills.”
Elena Lavrova suggests making a list of your favorite things to do. Don’t focus on usefulness, status, or profitability when making it. After all, if you like lying down and sleeping, you can get a job as a mattress and pillow tester. Yes, such professions exist.
To ensure that dreams do not remain vague, but acquire the outlines of reality, we move on to the next step.
Step 4: Observe what other people are interested in doing among their favorite activities
It often happens that a hobby becomes a business. If you want to achieve this goal, it is important to check whether other people like your favorite activity.
“It’s not hard to do: you can create a public page on a social network, start holding master classes and training sessions,” suggests Elena Lavrova. The Internet offers many opportunities if you use it for more than just entertainment.
You can do without it, put up an announcement: “Today I will read an interesting book to my children, come listen and bring yours.”
Two people may respond, or perhaps many more. In business strategies, this is called “identifying the target audience.” And if it turns out to be large enough, you can think about developing the business.
Step 5: Feel whether your favorite activity gives meaning to your life
If you feel that you truly love making felted wool jewelry, taking care of pets, traveling, or selling homemade cookies, then that’s enough. There are many people who work in an office during the day, earning a living, and in their free time, discover new places on the map or invent new recipes. And they feel completely happy.
After all, the meaning of life does not necessarily have to be in work. It can be in what brings joy to you personally, fills your life with impressions, allows you to realize your talents and interests.