If you feel unhappy and tired of waiting for his promise to end the marriage, our article is for you. We suggest you get out of the role of a victim and stop playing toxic love games.An old, old tale: a charming man sends you into a romantic knockdown with proven techniques: he is married, but this relationship, according to him, has long since outlived its usefulness. Literally tomorrow, the charismatic handsome man goes to the registry office to file for divorce from the witch who does not understand him, that is, his wife.
A couple of years pass, and nothing has happened. He is still charming and married, and you are still spending your holidays, weekends, and vacations in proud solitude.
Misunderstanding and irritation are growing inside, it is becoming increasingly difficult to put up with the compassionate looks of girlfriends and those who know about your relationship with the “married man”. Should you stay or break off the relationship and start all over again with a more suitable gentleman?
Practicing psychologist Deborah Davis has heard this story hundreds of times. She knows that the hope for happiness, however illusory, ties you hand and foot, depriving you of the strength to break the vicious circle. However, the truth is even harsher than it may seem: even if he divorces, the chances of happiness are minimal. And all because you live in different worlds.
Your world is a fantasy, where you are a beautiful lady, a queen. Only you understand him and only with you is he happy.
His world is zero desire to change anything in life. Indeed, why? He has a reliable rear and a beautiful lady, who, if desired, can easily be replaced by another, no less beautiful.
Don’t agree, everything is wrong with you? Then answer these questions for yourself, just be honest.
- How many promises has he already made to you? And how many real steps has he taken to achieve your happy future together?
- How deeply are you mired in his difficulties? All these “pains” of his – a harmful wife, abandoned unhappy children, problems at work, health problems – only his circumstances prevent him from getting a divorce, but in fact these circumstances are not terrible for him at all, but very nice. With their help, he keeps you on a leash and does not let you off the hook.
- How much do you idealize your future? If you are sure that after his divorce he will remain as sweet, tender and romantic, we have bad news for you. Marriage is, as trite as it may sound, constant work, hard work, sorrows and joys. What awaits you is a relationship with your ex and children, who understand perfectly well that the father and husband left the family because of you.
- Are you sure that in a few years you yourself will not find yourself in the role of an abandoned wife?
- Are you really happy or do you feel empty inside? This is very important. Yes, you feel euphoric when he is around. But how often does this happen and how often do you feel the melancholy of loneliness, especially on weekends and holidays?
- How long has he been trying to persuade you to be patient a little longer? The feeling that I’ve had enough is a clear sign that something is wrong in your relationship. By asking you to be more patient, he is actually shifting the responsibility onto you. It is you who are in a hurry and want to ruin everything, not him who is dragging his feet and fooling you! A wonderful married man has shifted the responsibility onto you, while he lives happily ever after.
Step 1: Realize Your Power
Deep down, you know: you’ve had enough, it’s time to open the next chapter. Stop silencing this voice, it’s absolutely right. Love cannot be built on lies, deceit, and betrayal. Focus on this idea and don’t let it fool you.
Step 2: Take an active role
What does he suggest – to be patient and wait obediently? This is the position of a helpless victim . You got into a relationship with a married man consciously, and you will have to get out of it consciously too.
This relationship is only for his benefit. If you are uncomfortable, you are suffering and not happy at all – you need to leave. Do not wait for everything to change somehow. Make a decision to end this relationship.
Step 3: Remember what’s really important to you
What did you dream about a few years ago? It’s unlikely that you would be stuck in nowhere with no one in a warm company. Return to what is valuable to you, what will give you self-respect, love and warmth. You deserve all the best, don’t forget about it.
Step 4: Make a decision that will make you a heroine
We all make different choices every day. Some are good for us, some are not.
Just don’t blame yourself for making the wrong choice. You’ve been in a relationship with a married man, you’ve seen what it’s like. And now you’re ready to move on – to a relationship that will truly make you happy, because it will fully take your values into account. Stop being a victim, be the boss.
You can’t change “Married Man”. But you are quite capable of changing your role in this whole story. Give up destructive behavior patterns and be firm.
Keep in mind that he will swear his love again and feed you with promises. Stick to your guns and don’t forget that he is trying to make you play by his rules. Move forward to your bright happy future.